ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
