i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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