I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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