Do you still have your period?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am one with the molecules
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
