Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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