Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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