This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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