guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
