oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
