I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
