Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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