Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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