this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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