Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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