my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
