I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize