I saw his package. It spoke to me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
