A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
