sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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