Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
