your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
