what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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