Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
BRING THE BAGELS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
