Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
