So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
