So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
