I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
