She's JV to your varsity
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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