There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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