my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
