Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
