I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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