New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
