I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
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