He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
