WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
