my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
