I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
