I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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