Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
