Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
