Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
