Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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