Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
