so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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