McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
