I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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