where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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