Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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