Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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