my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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