Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
