Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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