I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
