Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
