I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
