found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
