dude i'm inner monologue high
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
