I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
