my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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