i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
