Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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