It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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