where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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