Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I forget how to act sober
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
