just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
