that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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