I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
3pm strippers are depressing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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