I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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