she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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