Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
