Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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