No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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