I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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