She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
