We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
