dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
