well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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