Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
